The game continues

This posting is a continuation of the previous posting...

About 10 minutes after I went downstairs to prepare for someone to get hurt playing the "wagon game"...

Paul: Someone is on the ground

Me: Of course they are.

Paul: Evan is laying on the ground.

I look out the back window and see Evan face down on the ground, Zayd squatting next to him (but not too close), and Ethan just about laying on the ground with him - obviously the one attending to him. Ethan puts his head on the ground, then he comes up again, then he touches his head... actually it was kinda cute.

Then the warm fuzzy moment ended.

Zayd springs to his feet and runs for dear life towards the sunroom door with Evan chasing him. Zayd is screaming all the way, "Oh my God! He's going to kill meeeee!"

Zayd: (upon entering the house). Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Lock all the doors! Lock themmmm!

He slams the sliding door shut and locks it just as Evan gets to it.

They look at each other through the glass - Evan giving him a menacing look and Zayd continuing to scream at the top of his lungs.

Zayd: Lock all the dooorrrrrs!

He races for the front door. I see Evan disappear around the house.

I can hear Zayd lock the front door (all the while screaming, I'll have you know)... Then he shrieks, "Oh my God! The garage door! I forgot the garage door!!!!"

He runs to the mudroom door and just as he reaches it, Evan does too. Zayd tries to hold the door closed but Evan pushes through. Zayd (still screaming) runs towards me and uses me as his shield. Ethan follows Evan into the house.

I just want to unload the dishwasher.

Zayd: Moooooommmm!!! He's going to killll meeee! He said he's going to killll meeeee!

Me: (loud enough to be heard over Zayd's screams) Okayyy! Everyone! STOP! STOP!

silence

Me: No one is going to kill anyone.

Evan begins to laugh.

Evan: I was just kidding him - I was just trying to scare him.

Me: Okay. Why?

Zayd: He TOLD ME to run over him with the wagon! So I did. And THEN he told me he was going to hurt meee!

Me: Okay, settle down. What? Evan? You TOLD him to run over you with the wagon? Was anyone in the wagon?

Evan: Oh no! I just told him to run over me.

Me: Why?

Evan: So I could pretend to get hurt and pretend to get mad at him and scare him.

pause

Ethan: Oh my goodness. (sigh) I wish-ded I had a camera! I should'a got this on a movie. (sigh). Oh my goodness.

Finding fun

Evan, 11, Zayd, 9 and Ethan, 6, game up with a game that requires Ethan to wear a helmut.

This cannot be good.

They come in for dinner and I think to myself - These three are such little boys. They are absolutely filthy. Their heads are dripping sweat, their faces are flushed, their shirts and shorts are dirty and their feet - O.M.G. - Their FEET! They look like the dirt has been ground into them. Only their hands are clean.

After dinner, the three of them dashed outside again to resume their game leaving Paul and I at the table.

Me: What are they doing?

Paul: They are pulling each other around in the wagon like speed demons.

Me: They are all barefoot.

Paul: Yes they are.

Me: I should go and see what they are doing.

Paul: I don't think you should do that.

Me: Why not?

Paul: I don't think you really want to see it.

pause

Paul: They are making Ethan wear a helmut.

I decide I really do need to see what they are doing.

Zayd is sitting in the wagon and Evan is pulling him (barefoot), across the yard and into the neighbors driveway. At which point he whips the wagon around and pulls Zayd down the sloped driveway as fast as he can, taking a sharp turn at the sidewalk and then starting all over again.

At one point Evan advises Zayd to keep his hands in the wagon while they go by the car in the driveway. He doesn't want Zayd's hand to get ripped off.

Ethan, who is not in the wagon yet, because it isn't his turn apparently, is on the sidewalk with his remote control motorcycle -- which he has aimed and moving at his brothers as they approach him on the sidewalk.

They stop when they see me standing on the front step.

Evan: Why are you looking at us like that?

Me: I'm just watching.

Evan: You think we are doing something wrong?

Me: No. I'm just watching what you are doing.

Evan: Oh.

pause

Me: Why are you barefoot?

Zayd: (Lifts up him foot from the wagon). I'm barefoot too.

Evan: It's easier.

pause

Evan: It's more reliable.

Zayd: (snort laugh - and nods in agreement).

Evan: Etthhhhaaan! It's your turn! Get your helmet!

----------------------------

Update:

As I am sitting here blogging, I look out the window into the back yard - Zayd is pulling Ethan in the wagon, and Evan is pushing the wagon.

Again at breakneck speed...

Again barefoot.

And this time Ethan is not wearing a helmut.

(sigh)

I think it's just best if I walk away from the window.

I'll get my first aid supplies ready and wait for the scream downstairs.

Wanted

I'm cleaning the kitchen and Zach and Zayd are sitting at the breakfast bar.

Zach: Dad was in a great mood yesterday.

Me: Hummm... maybe because I was gone all day?

Zayd: (very seriously). No! That's not nice to say! We love having you around! All of us do!

Me: THAT was very nice to say, Zayd.

-----------------------------

Still at the breakfast bar...

Zayd: I have a girlfriend.

Me: Oh! That was fast. Only three days of school and you already have a girlfriend.

Zayd: (snort laughs)

Me: Well... is she a friend that's a girl or a girlfriend?

Zayd: What's the difference?

Me: A friend that's a girl - you want to just hang out with. A girlfriend you want to hang out with AND kiss.

Zayd: (blushes). No and no.

Me: Zayyyyd.

Zayd: (snort laughs).

Me: Zayyyyyd! No wanting to kiss girls yet! You can't do that until your mom is ready. I need prep time for all this!

Zayd: (snort laughs)

Mom's Mishaps

My husband thinks I spend far too much time blogging about the family's adventures - he wants to see my faux pas given equal time.

Fine.

But they aren't that funny.

So here's a little snapshot of some of the stuff I have done recently.

A few weeks ago I was supposed to go to a Redhawks (AA baseball) game with our department to mingle with state legislators.

I had it in my calendar for the week after. So I just didn't go. Even though everyone left the office early that afternoon - which only normally happens when we have to go to a Redhawks game.

---------------

So then we had two more Redhawks games to go to in a week's timeframe. I managed to get to the first one - on the right day. The second one I thought was a different day - but I managed to learn about that before I didn't show up.

When I DID show up, however, I came with the wrong tickets - the tickets to the previous game. We don't live near the stadium and it was super busy on campus... so I was thinking - ARGH. Paul suggested we simply try to get in with our old tickets. AND get into the NDSU suite with the old suite passes.

Me: This isn't going to work.

Paul: It might.

Me: What are we going to do if it doesn't.

Paul: Just call Char (our administrative assistant and office guru)

Me: I will do anything but I won't call Char! (She already thinks I'm an idiot for missing one of the games).

Paul: Well, you don't want to go back home do you?

Me: I would rather go home than call Char and have her come down and let us in.

Paul: Well - let's just try.

We go up to the ticket taker and I hand over my wrong tickets - she scans them and on the scanner pops up a big stop sign and an alarm sounds.

Shit.

Ticket Taker: Oh! You must have JUST bought these!

She lets us in.

The person who monitors the suite doors wasn't there. We walk right on up.

I'm going to hang onto the tickets - I think they'll get us into all the games.

-----------------

Wednesday this week as I was driving to work, I got a call from my boss asking me to do something before I got to campus. I had a meeting scheduled for 8 am. So - I called the guy I had a meeting with to say I would be late.

Me: Ray? It's Najla. I'm going to be late for our 8 am meeting today.

pause

Ray: Okay. That's okay. 

pause

Ray: But you aren't going to be late.

Me: Huh?

Ray: Our meeting is next week at 8 am.

long pause

Me: Ray. I am so glad you knew that, because I knew that and I was just checking to make sure you knew that.

pause

Me: Because Ray... I've been a little worried about you - people have been talking that you just don't seem to be the same.

pause

Me: So - I feel a lot better now that you knew our meeting wasn't until next week.

pause

Ray: (laughs) Okay Najla. Whatever I can do to help you.

Me: Great. Yes. Thanks. See you next Wednesday.

--------------------

That same morning after I hung up with Ray - I stopped by a convenience store to pick up a copy of our local newspaper. I had no money so I had to buy a 75 cent paper with my credit card.

On the way out of the store, I was reading the paper rather than looking where I was going - and I decided to try to get in the first car I saw out of the corner of my eye. Which happened to be nowhere near my own car... Thank goodness no one saw me.

-------------------

Sometime along the ride to work, I spilled coffee on my light colored skirt - something I wasn't aware of until a co-worker walked by and said, "You have a big coffee stain on your skirt."

Crap.

I went to the bathroom and tried to get it out... leaving the biggest wet spot ever. In fact the entire side of my skirt was stuck to me.

I got into my office. The president (of the university) was coming over to do a phone interview in about 20 minutes. My skirt looked like hell... so I did what any woman would do.

I locked the door to my office, took off my skirt, draped it over my wastepaper basket, and put it in front of the space heater to dry it.

All the while praying "Please God let the lock hold, please let the lock hold."

--------------------------

One more thing - this one Paul asked me specifically to mention - although I don't know why.

I had a little bit of a meltdown the other day. I had come home from a long day and was looking forward to some ice cream with chocolate syrup after dinner. Paul had bought a gallon of ice cream the night before.

After dinner I open up the freezer and... no ice cream.

Fine - okay. It must be in the deep freeze in the basement. I go down and look - no. Not there.

My brain cannot comprehend - or maybe I just wasn't in the frame of mind to accept the fact that one gallon of ice cream had been eaten between last night at 8 pm and today at 6 pm.

I open the freezer upstairs again. I look carefully. Maybe I missed it.

Slowly I come to the realization that it has been eaten.

This makes me very unhappy. Actually - I went ballistic.

I take the spoon I was holding to scoop out my well-deserved ice cream and begin pounding it as fast and as hard as I can on the kitchen counter.

Me: WHY IS THERE NO ICE CREAM! WHY IS THERE NO ICE CREAM! I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT ALL THE ICE CREAM IS GONE! WHO ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM! I CAN NOT BELIEVE I LIVE IN A HOUSE WHERE I CAN NOT EVEN HAVE ICE CREAM WHEN I WANT TO HAVE SOME! 

I punctuated each word with a smack of the spoon. It was very effective because all the men in the house stopped what they were doing and looked at me.

Followed by:

"I didn't eat any..." "I didn't eat any..." "I only had one scoop last night..." "I don't know who ate it."

That led me to smack my spoon several more times and end it with an "ARGH!" And heavy breathing.

After I caught my breath I yelled...

Me: THAT IS IT! I am going to have my ice cream tonight and the rest of you are not! 

pause

Me: PAUL! You are taking me to Culver's! Now! Zach - you watch your brothers!

Interesting enough - no one argued with me.

I stomped out to the car. We went through the drive through and I inhaled a lovely hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

I felt much better.

So there.

Boogers

This morning was something else. I started getting phone calls for work on my cell at 7 am. Good thing I was already showered and dressed. That coupled with "the boys" made for some interesting multi-tasking.

So - I'm on my cell listening to someone from work. I have a hard time understanding people over the cell phone as it is when I am NOT distracted... let alone when I have kids walking around my bedroom asking me questions.

As I'm on the phone, one of Zach's friends calls my cell. Zach still doesn't have his cell, so now I am the conduit.

Zach walks into the bedroom.

Zach: Mom, when are you leaving?

Me: (mouthing) I am on the phone.

Zach: Okay.

Me: (mouthing) Carter called.

Zach: What? Where is my cell.

Me: (mouthing) I don't know. He called my cell - call him back.

Zach: But I don't have my cell.

Oh my God. 

Me: (mouthing) Call him back. (I point to our regular land line).

Zach: But do you know where my cell phone is? 

Me: (I give him my angry face - like ask me one more time and you'll NEVER see your damn cell phone again).

He leaves.

Ethan walks in, in his underwear - of course.

Ethan: Hi mom!

I point to the phone.

Ethan: Can you help me get dressed?

I nod yes.

Ethan then wanders into my bathroom - never a good thing.

A few moments later he is in the doorway and says...

Ethan: Uhmm... mom? I sneezed. 

pause

I look at him like - okay. And? I am still trying to understand what the person on the cell is saying to me.

Ethan: I got boogers all over your shower.

I give him a "you've got to be kidding me look."

I cover the cell with my hand.

Me: Clean it up.

Ethan: Okay!

About 10 second later...

Ethan: (holding up a piece of toilet paper with the biggest, grossest looking booger I've seen in a long time) I cleaned it up Mom!

pause

He admires it.

Ethan: It's weewy big - and it's got red in it!

Stories from day two of school... continue

It's a bumper crop of stories at our house today. The boys were too stunned on day one of school to say too much... but day two -- they are back in the groove.

At the dinner table tonight:

Evan: Mom and Dad. I have something to tell you - but I'll wait until my brothers aren't here.

Oh - THAT is REALLY going to work now that he's said it in front of everyone.

Zach gives him an annoyed look. Zayd smirks. Ethan looks interested, but continues to shovel food in him mouth.

Zach: You might as well tell us. You already started.

Evan: No. I don't want you guys to know.

Zayd: You like a girl.

Evan: Yes - I like a new girl now.

Did I mention this is the second day of school.

Me: A girl you knew from elementary school?

Evan: No. This is someone who went to Clara Barton (elementary school).

Me: Okay.

Paul: What do you like about her?

Evan: She's nice. She's funny. She likes me.

Me: But you don't JUST like her because she likes you, right?

Evan: No!

Zayd: (sigh) This is when it all starts happening. Sixth grade.

Zach looks at him and bursts out laughing.

Zach: Yeah Zayd. You know alllll about it, don't you? You and your raging hormones.

Zayd gives his little snort laugh.

Zach: So what's her name?

Evan: Katie

Zach: Katie what. Did you manage to get a last name?

Evan: Yes. Katie Johnson.

Zach: Wasn't the other girl you liked a Johnson?

pause

Evan: Yeah - I guess so.

Zach: Interesting...

Paul: Why don't we just take it easy on liking girls, okay.

Me: Right. No liking girls. You are not allowed. Tell the girls your mom said so. No girl-liking until you are in 8th grade.

Evan: Zach had a girlfriend in 7th grade!

Zach: NOW I'm in high school. It's totally appropriate and acceptable for me to have a girlfriend.

Me: Zach did not have a girlfriend in 7th grade. He had a friend that was a girl.

Actually - almost all his friends were girls. The girls love him. But there was one girl... yeah... kinda like a girlfriend I guess. Oh my God.

Zach: By the way - I LOVE being a 9th grader. The power is awesome. Today, when I got on the bus I saw this kid Devon picking on Evan. All I had to do was look at him. I have him this serious parental look - like, "What do you think you are doing." And I am NOT even kidding you! His lowered his eyes and head, and sank into his seat. It was just AWESOME.

Me: Well... I'm glad you stood up for your brother. I suppose it is like if anyone is going to pick on him, it's going to be you.

Zach: Yeah! Exactly! How did you know?

Me: 'Cause that's how I treated my younger sister.

Zach: Yeah! Well. Carter and I made a deal with Evan. We get to pick on him as much as we want, but we will protect him from all others. I mean - what a deal! When he is a freshman, we'll be seniors. He will have senior protection. I don't think it gets any better than that.

Me: I wonder if Evan will do the same for Zayd.

Evan and Zayd do not get along.

pause

Zach: That should be interesting.

Zayd: Ethan will protect me!

Clearly (see previous post), Ethan feels responsible for protecting his older brother. Now we just have to channel that response to the appropriate people. Ethan will not be an effective protector if he continues to punch and pinch kids that sit next to the kids that pick on Zayd.

School: Day two

I picked up the two little boys from the after school program. We get a few feet from the car when Ethan announces:

Ethan: Uh... mom? I kinda pinched a girl today.

Me: Huh?

Ethan: It wasn't bad! I didn't punch her or anything. I could have punched her - but I just pinched her.

Me: What do you mean you didn't punch her?

Ethan: She said it was okay! She saided it didn't hurted her! She didn't cry!

Me: When did you pinch a girl?

Ethan: On the bus.

Me: Ethan. (sigh)

Ethan: She just bleeded a little bit.

Me: WHAT! She BLED!

Ethan: But promise its okay, right? Promise you are okay?

Me: No. No. I am not okay with this. It is not okay to pinch people - OR punch people.

Ethan: NO!!! Promise you are okay!

Me: I said no. I am not okay. This is not okay Ethan.

Ethan: MOOOOMMM! PROOOMIIISSE!

Me: ETHAN. Ethan. No. The answer is no. This is NOT okay. Listen. Stop. Quiet.

Ethan: (whines)

Me: Ethan. Did you get in trouble?

pause

Me: Ethan? Did you get in trouble with the bus driver?

pause

Ethan: Welll... I guess - I know I was in trouble. The bus driver wrote me up.

pause

Me: It is the second day of school and you have already been written up on the bus.

Ethan: You are okay. Promise!

Me: (sigh) Just sit down and let's get home.

After a few minutes I ask him:

Me: Why would you pinch a girl?

Ethan: Someone was bod-ering Zayd.

Me: What does this have to do with Zayd?

Zayd snort laughs

Ethan: Someone was spitting on Zayd!

Me: Someone was spitting on Zayd so you pinched a girl.

Ethan: Yes!

pause

Me: Zayd? Can you explain please?

Zayd: Welll... (pause followed by long sigh). A girl spit at me. But not the girl he pinched. The girl sitting next to her.

pause

Me: So he pinched the wrong girl.

pause

Zayd: (loooong sigh followed by deep breath) Yes.

pause

Me: Ethan. If you are going to protect your brother and go through the trouble of pinching someone - at least pinch the right person.

Zayd: (another snort laugh)

-------------------------------------

About five minutes BEFORE I picked up the two little boys, I got a call on my cell from boy number 2 - Evan.

Evan: Uh... mom? I really need to talk to you. Are you busy?

Me: Kinda. Can it wait about 15 minutes. I am on my way home.

Evan: Oh. Yeah. Okay. But as soon as you get home I need to talk to you.

After my "pinching conversation" I get home and am cornered by Evan.

Evan: I need to tell you something. (pause) It isn't bad!

Me: It's okay. Tell me.

Evan: Well... the bus was really hot today so I decided to get off at a different stop and walk home. Just at the entrance of Prairiewood (about a 1/2 mile walk)

Me: Okay.

Evan: So... Zach rode the bus the whole way home and he didn't have the garage door opener and he had to sit and wait for me.

Me: Oookayyy.

pause

Evan: So... he was mad that he had to wait for me.

Me: Okay. (pause). So?

Evan: So... I think he is going to hurt me.

Me: (sigh) He is not going to hurt you.

pause

Me: Well... maybe he will try to hurt you. But don't worry.

Evan: Should I not have done it?

Me: Well - you should probably stick together on the way home, okay? So if he doesn't get off the bus, you shouldn't either.

Evan: Okay. Sorry.

Me: That's okay. Don't worry about it.

No more than 30 seconds after Evan walks away, ZACH corners me.

Zach: Do you know what Evan did? (He is obviously NOT happy).

Me: Yes. I heard.

Zach: Oh. Yeah. Right. You heard. You heard what HE said he did.

Me: (sigh) Okay. Tell me what he did.

Zach: He wanted to get off the bus. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. He kept asking and I finally said, "No. You can't get off the bus." He did anyways. Because his friend Mason and Skyler and this one girl were getting off.

Me: Which girl?

Zach: I don't know. Some girl.

Me: (sigh) Okay.

Zach: So I get home and he's not there. I can't get into the house, I don't have my cell (it was taken away from him - that's another story for another day) and I have NO idea where he is.

Me: Well he was walking home.

Zach: No. No. He didn't walk right home. He went to Mason's house to hang out. I sat on the step for 25 minutes before he showed up.

Me: (sigh) Okay. Thanks for telling me. We'll talk to him tonight.

Zach: Good. By the way. We got our planners today for school.

Me: Yes?

Zach: They are very small. Just itty bitty little things.

Me: Okay.

Zach: They are kinda weird.

pause

Zach: I'm just saying.

pause

Me: Okayyy. Sooo... how do you feel about that.

pause - Zach stares at me for a moment

Zach: What's going on here?

Me: Huh?

Zach: What are you doing? Are you like being Dr. Phil or something?

Me: What?

Zach: "Soooo... How do you feeeel about that?"

Me: I guess I just wasn't sure how to respond to the fact that your planner is small.

Back to school in review

The boys went back to school today. Zach is a 9th grader now, Evan is in 6th, Zayd is in 4th and Ethan is in 1st. I can't believe I have one in high school and one just starting first grade. God, I was pregnant for a lot of years...

Here is what I managed to learn about their days.

Me: So tell me how was school?!

Ethan: Guuuud.

Me: Who sits next to you?

Ethan: I don't remember.

Me: What is your teacher's name?

Ethan: Teacher.

Me: Your teacher's name is teacher?

Ethan: Uh-huh.

I look at him and raise one eyebrow.

Ethan: Wewwy! It's teacher. You can call her another name too!

Me: Okay. What else can you call her?

Ethan: Another name.

Me: Yes - so what's the other name?

Ethan: Just another name.

Whatever - I know his teacher's name, I was just hoping he at least learned it. But I have to give him some slack - it is Mrs. Hrjlicka.

I'd call her teacher too.

Me: So do you think you are going to like 1st grade?

Ethan: Wellll.. There's a LOT-ed stuff to do!

Me: What kind of stuff?

Ethan: A LOT-ed stuff. In Mrs. Heggedahl's we didn't have so much stuff to do. But this teacher has a lot-ed stuff.

Me: Well that is what school is about - learning a lot of stuff.

pause

Me: So what do you think you will like best about first grade.

Ethan: Uhm... I like that we get to go to after school part.

The best part of school is the after school program? Fabulous.

Me: What about during school. After school program is AFTER school.

pause

Ethan: Uhm... lunch is kinda fun.

Excellent.

------------------------

I am looking through Zayd's take home folder and I find a sheet entitled "Who are you?" He was assigned to ask "Jenna" the predetermined questions on the sheet.

Me: Hummm... If you could be any animal, what kind would you be? She said dog. Favorite type of music... huh - rap and pop. Interesting... Oh! She wants to be an artist! Just like you! And art is her favorite subject in school like you!

Zayd: (grunts)

Me: What is your favorite book?... um... American... American... (then there is a scribble on the sheet). American Girl? Probably?

Zayd: Yeah.

Me: Why didn't you write it all out?

Zayd: Because.

Me: Because?

Zayd: Because. I didn't want to.

Me: You didn't want to write "American Girl?"

Zayd: No.

Me: Why?

Zayd: Because.

(pause) I am now confused and intrigued. But Zayd does that to me a lot.

Me: There must be a reason.

Zayd: The reason is because.

Me: Did you just not want to write the word "girl?"

Zayd: (sigh)

Me: Did you not know how to spell it?

Zayd: Noooo!

Me: I don't get it.

Zayd: There is nothing to get. It's just because.

We have stare-down that lasts about 20 seconds. My face is scrunched up as if it is going to help me figure this kid out. Zayd looks at me with total blankness. He isn't going to give me any clue.

Me: Okay then.

-----------------------------------

Around 4 pm I called home to talk to the older two boys to find out how their day went. Evan sounded like he had downed a couple of Mountain Dew.

Me: Evan! How was middle school!?

Evan: Great!

Me: Everything went well?

Evan: Yup!

Me: Liked all your teachers?

Evan: Yup!

Me: Anything you want to tell me?

Evan: Nope! It's all good! I really like it!

pause

I decide not to mess with a good thing.

Me: Okay then! Let me talk to Zach please.

pause

Zach: (In a completely unenthused voice -- sounding like he just rolled out of bed). Yeaah?

Me: How was it?

Zach: Okay.

Me: Did you have any trouble finding your classrooms.

Zach: No.

Me: What do you think of your teachers?

Zach: Okay.

Me: Is there one you think you are really going to like?

Zach: My English teacher

Me: Why?

Zach: I don't know.

pause

Me: Any teacher's you don't think you'll like?

Zach: Yeah.

Me: Which one?

Zach: My algebra teacher.

Me: Why?

Zach: I don't know. I just don't like her.

pause

Me: Well give her a chance at least.

Zach: Maybe.

Me: Maybe she doesn't like you either.

Zach: Thanks.

Me: No problem.

Advice to a 1st grader

This morning, Paul had a man-to-man talk with Ethan, our 1st grader, before he went off to his first day of school. I couldn't believe that Paul was able to keep a straight-face during the talk. Paul has a very deep voice - coupled with his 6'6 stature -- he makes for an authoritative figure.

Paul: Ethan. Come here. I need to talk to you.

Ethan walks over to Paul who is sitting in our sunroom reading the paper. (very "Leave it to Beaver-ish - but no pipe).

Paul: Ethan. You are now in first grade and there are things you just can't do anymore.

Ethan: Okay.

Paul: You cannot be holding your penis all the time in front of people and you cannot have your hand in your pants. 

Ethan: Daaad! (sigh)

Paul: It's impolite. You shouldn't do it in front of your teacher or your friends. You are not a kindergartener anymore. You are a big boy.

Ethan: (looong sigh)

Paul: And you can't lick stuff all the time either. No more licking tables and chairs. Understand?

Ethan: (longer sigh).

Paul: Seriously Ethan. You are going to get very sick if you keep doing that. So you need to stop.

I actually mentioned to Ethan's doctor last week that I thought he might have some kind of oral fixation  -- especially after he wrote on the chalkboard in the doc's office then proceeded to taste the chalk, and lick his fingers.

He also picks his nose and eats it. 

The doctor assured me this is a safe practice.

Paul: Do you understand Ethan? 

Ethan: I know! I know! Okay! Okay!

So sad. My little boy is growing up. Can't touch anything, can't lick anything... the age of innocence over.

Evening Banter

Some interesting quotes from the kids tonight. Zach was particularly "on"

1. Zach: Ethan has to drop the kids off at the pool

-- apparently this means that Ethan has to poop. I had not heard this one before.

2. Zach: Is it true that a man purrs when you shave his back?

--Clearly Zach is watching too much late-night television. We're going to have to monitor that more closely.

3. Zayd: (Belches loudly in the car - followed by groans from the rest of us). Hey! It's not at the dinner table. You only said no burping at the dinner table.

4. At Applebee's tonight, Ethan had to use the bathroom, so Zach took him.

Zach: Well, you're right dad. He dropped trou right away. But I grabbed the back of his pants and yanked 'em back up.

Me: So did he do it right? (please see previous post about Ethan's insistence in dropping his trousers while using public urinals, rather than just lowering the front of his pants slightly)

Zach: He wasn't going to do it right.

Ethan: But I did do it right then! I just took out my penis and peed.

Zach: After I pulled up the back of his pants. But he also has to use both of his hands to hold his shirt up. And he wants his shirt no where near his area... So it is WAY up to his neck.

Me: So how does he do it if his hands are holding his shirt up?

Zach: He aims.

Me: With his hips?

Zach: Yeah.

Ethan: Can we please not talk about my penis right now?

I concurred that talking about his penis was not appropriate dinner conversation.

5. This was in the car

Me: Zach. Come here.

Zach leans forward

Me: Closer.

Zach gets up so I can talk in his ear.

Me: (I whisper) Zach. I think your brother is kinda nervous about middle school. Will you talk to him tonight?

Zach: (In a loud whisper) Uhh... Mom. No offense, but even with me leaning forward like this so you can talk to me in private... I'm pretty sure Evan can hear everything you say.

Evan: What are you saying about me?!

6. Later this evening...Paul got the younger boys the Hannah Montana movie. Since Zach is grounded from time with friends (another story), he eventually succumbed and sat and watched a bit of it with them.

I was on the computer downstairs when "Hannah" and her dad were singing a sad song.

Evan: Oh my God. ANOTHER song! Ahhhh...

Zayd: AHHHHH! HOW many songs do they have to sing!

Ethan: Shhhhhhh!

Zach: Way to go. Way to go guys.

Evan: What?!

Zach: I was almost going to cry. The tears were coming....

Evan: You were going to cry? Really?

Zach: Yes. Yes I was.

Zayd: What the!

Zach: Thanks guys. Thanks for ruining the moment for me.