I saw; then sawed

I was taking the dog for a walk this morning and passed by my neighbor who is a carpenter. As I continue my remodeling mania - I've been thinking about removing some spindles that are between by living and ex-dining room.

My husband swears these spindles are holding the wall up...

I'm pretty sure Paul is lying to avoid a project. So I ask Matt to stop over.

Matt says the spindles are not holding the wall up.

That's all I need. I get to work taking out the spindles. I shuffled through all of Paul's tools in the shop and find these two items. One is clearly a saw, the other has a blade that cuts through stuff... but I'm not sure what it is, or why the blade isn't a complete circle.

Whatever. I started with the hand saw. After about 10 minutes, I decided it was taking too long and my hands were hurting. I pull out the other saw/blade/thing. Evan promptly stops me and says:

Evan: Mom. I don't think that is for wood. I think it is for metal.

Me: Well, if it cuts through metal it'll cut through wood, right?

Evan: Yeah, but you'll ruin the blade.

Ruin the blade? The razor I use to shave my legs needs replacing ever few weeks - surely we can buy a new blade for this thing?

Ta DA! It worked! My GOD I love this electric thing! I've never used an electric tool besides a drill... but my new favorite electric thing is this half-circle saw!

Even better, the boards that the spindles were connected to were just nailed to the drywall. Two nails. That's it!

I just pulled them right out.

Then I vacuumed up, took the spindles to the shop, and walked away. All in all, a 1/2 hour of work to finally saw off four large thorns in my side.

Now... I'm wondering how hard it would be to smash those half-walls out of the way... Tell me what you think?

Funky rug or shiny grass?

Now that I am a stay-at-home working mom, I have been a one-woman remodel/redecorating machine. I just finished painting and tiling the mudroom...Pics to come...

One of my favorite areas of the house is our sunroom/eating area addition. It is bright and happy and the perfect place to read the paper and drink a cup of coffee or visit with friends. It's been in need of a rug. I could kick myself because I found the perfect one a couple weeks ago in Minneapolis at Home Goods --part of the TJ Maxx group. I didn't buy it. I drove out the parking lot and "forgot" to do that. Seriously. How does someone forget to buy a rug?

Today I was at Scheels Home and Hardware -  just 2 minutes from my house which I LOVE but my husband... well... it makes him nervous. Unfortunately, the Scheels website does not have any pictures of their Home and Hardware location..but let me assure you - it is fabulous! They have gorgeous furniture and decor. Even better is their customer service. Each department; paint, hardware, decor, lawn and garden, and clothing; have experts who really know their stuff.

I brought home this rug today for my sunroom. I was told if I didn't love it, I could bring it back. It was much brighter looking in the store, and has a silky sheen to it. It was super reasonable... and it feels great to the touch...

And Mollie took to it right away...

But I'm not sure I love it. And when I spend money on things, I want to love it. What do you think?

Hmmmm.....

I'm Bored Jar

Ethan and Zayd have spent the last four weeks -- 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., Monday through Thursday -- at the community theater rehearsing for their performance of "Disney's Aladdin for Kids." I have picked them up each day and listened to every song and line in this musical hundreds of times; I know the blocking; frankly I could be the alternate for any of the parts - including the street rats. And while somedays I wanted to poke my eyes out from the endless Aladdin chatter in the car, bedroom, laudary room, restuarants, and through the bathroom door -- nothing compares to what I am about to endure:

"I'm bored."

Ethan said it to me for the first time a couple of days ago and I thought to myself: Life is over as you know it. Before I could start crying, an idea popped into my head:

An "I'm bored jar."

I've been reading a lot of crafty/mom-type blogs lately and I recently came across this idea. Get a glass jar and fill it with slips of paper with ideas of what the kids do when they say they are bored. Brilliant. Let's do it. I show Ethan some of the things I had read about it on the computer.

Here are a couple I'm Bored Jars I found:

From Stephanie in her Somewhat Simple blog:

From a blog called Home Spun Threads:

First let me say that I really enjoy reading these two blogs. The things they come up with and put together are so cute!

But, guess what? I am not the bored one. And, while I enjoy feeling inferior while reading these blogs, I will not put myself through the hell of actually realizing I am inferior by attempting to make such perfect pieces of art out of pickle jars.

So I explained the overall premise of the I'm Bored Jar to Ethan and sent him on his way to make it on his own. He showed up every couple of minutes with questions like "Where are the scissors? Where can I find a jar? How can I color the jar? I'm hungry because I am working so hard. Can I have a sandwich?

With the exception of the sandwich - I made him hunt for stuff and figure the rest out. It took him the entire morning to create his I'm Bored Jar.

Ethan, 7, concentrating on not being bored.

Then it was time to fill it with ideas.

Ethan: I'm going to put, "Play a board game with Mom."

Me: Oh noooo. These things have to be things that don't need me or money involved.

Ethan: Go to the pool?

Me: That involves me. I would have to keep an eye on you.

Ethan: Play in the sandbox?

Me: There you go!

A few hours later Zach announced that he too did not want to be involved in the "I'm Bored Jar."
Apparently Ethan had put in a slip that said, "Follow Zach" - or something to that effect.

Zach: Okay - he put in there, "Play with Zach" and he's been following me around. I refuse to be part of the Jar.

Me: Then help him come up with some ideas.

That suggestion was a mistake.

Zach: Write down... Bet on horse racing.

Ethan: Okay!

I hear Ethan slowly repeating the phrase: Bet on horse racing.

Zach: And... how about... go clubbing.

Me: Zach! Don't do that to him!

Ethan: Gooooooooooo cllubbbbbbbbinnnnnng. What else?

Zach: Organize a 5k fun run/walk for rabies.

wth?

Ethan: I don't know how to spell that.

Zach obligingly helps him spell it out.

At no point does Ethan ask what any of these mean, which I find troubling.

Zach: Organize a gang.

Me: Okay - this is not funny. Don't tell him to do that.

Ethan: Orgaaaaaannnnizzzzze a gggaannnnnng.

Me: Come on Zach! Help him come up with good ideas.

Zach: I think these are all very good.

pause

Zach: Make a documentary of mom's day.

Ethan: How do I do that?

Zach: You just follow her around with the camera all day and video tape everything she does.

Ethan: Oh! Okay!

He writes that down too.

Zach: My work here is done.

He goes to the basement to play video games.

A few minutes later I hear Ethan.

Ethan: I'm bored. Oh! I'll pick out something from the I'm bored jar!

pause

Ethan: Bet on horse racing!

pause

Ethan: Mmmmoooooooommmmmmm! How do I bet on horse racing?

Circle of life

Zayd and Ethan are watching me sort laundry in my bedroom.

Me: These are yours Zayd, right? (holding up a pair of tighty whiteys)

Zayd: Oh my God no!

Me: Oh. I thought you wore these.

Zayd: No mom. I wear boxers now.

Me: Now?

Zayd: Yes. I graduated to boxers.

Me: Ooh-kaay...

Zayd: First you wear briefs... then you wear boxer briefs, then you wear boxers...

Me: I didn't know that.

Zayd: Yeah.

pause

Zayd: And then when you think about it it really goes like this... first you wear diapers, then briefs, then boxer briefs, then boxers then boxer briefs, briefs and finally diapers again.

pause

Zayd: It's the life cycle of underwear.

A quarter of appreciation

Yesterday our cleaning lady was here, tackling the Amundson abode. I always feel better knowing I've got someone who comes to bleach the place down once every two weeks.

Sharon is around 65 years old. A sweet midwestern lady who swims in her pool everyday in the summer, and knows how to bake some amazing Christmas goodies. She also loves to chat.

Ethan also loves to chat.

He was chattin' it up with her about the storm that passed through the day before, the damage it caused around town, the four quarters he had in his pocket, the tooth he pulled out and the one that he can't get out, the garage sale we plan on having, and the play he is in...

And one more...

Ethan: Sharon. Do you want one of my quarters?

Sharon: Well thank you! But I don't need a quarter.

Ethan: But do you want it?

Sharon: No. I don't want it. You keep it. You never know when you might need a quarter.

Ethan: Well... I want you to have it.

Sharon: You are so nice to offer it Ethan. But I think your mom gave you the quarter.

Ethan: I know. But I want to give it to you.

pause

Ethan: I have three other quarters.

Sharon: Honey, that is really nice. But I don't want to take your quarter. Someday you might want to buy something and you'll think, 'Darn it. I wish I had one more quarter."

Ethan: But Sharon... you are working so hard cleaning our house.

pause

Ethan: It's a tip.

Bedtime break

Paul and I were out with another couple last night - Zach was in charge of the critters back at the ranch.

We got home around 10 p.m. (I know, we're just crazy party animals). As soon as we walk in the door...

Zayd: Hi Mom and Dad!

Strike one. Zayd is still awake.

Me: What are you doing up?

Zayd: I wanted to wait for you to put me to bed.

I come into the kitchen and see Zach in the hallway, trying to pick the lock to the guest bathroom.

Me: Who locked the door?

Zach: I have no idea. And I am injuring myself trying to pick this lock.

Me: Let Zayd get it. (Zayd is a master at picking locks). Zayd! Will you come and unlock the bathroom door for us please?

Zayd comes to the rescue.

Me: Where is Evan and Ethan?

Zach: In bed.

Me: You put Ethan to bed.

Zach: Yes. I put Ethan to bed.

Me: Okay. Thanks.

I head up the stairs to check on Ethan. I walk into his bedroom...

...and Ethan is not there.

After a nano-second of confusion... I head back down the stairs to ask my "sitter" where exactly he put my youngest son to bed.

Me: Zach? Where is Ethan?

Zach: He's in bed.

Me: Uh. No. No. He is not in bed. Where is Ethan?

Zach: I put him in bed.

Now I'm panicked. I'm panicked because as a toddler, Ethan used to hide from us in the house and no matter how many times we would call for him, he would not answer. It sometimes would take five of up to 10 minutes to find him... a lifetime when you are looking for your child. This incident took me right back to those days...

Zayd then offers in a sing-songy voice...

Zayd: I think I know where Eeethhhannnn iiiis!

Me: Where?!

Zayd: Here. In the bathroom.

O.M.G.

What the hell is Ethan doing in a locked bathroom, and how long has he been in there, and why doesn't Zach know he is in there?

We both peer in.

Then we both peer down.

Ethan is on the floor. Motionless.

I panic.

He's dead. I'm sure of it. My oldest son has left my youngest son to die on the bathroom floor. We can only open the door a couple inches because the bathroom isn't very big, and Ethan is lying on his side - taking up all available floor-space that isn't being taken up by the toilet.

Zayd starts laughing.

Zayd: He's asleep!

Thank you God.

I reel around and look at Zach.

Me: How is it that you didn't know your brother was in the bathroom!?

Zach: I put him to bed!

Me: You actually put him to bed?!

Zach: Yes!

Me: So you made sure he put on his jammies, you tucked him in and you saw him asleep in bed?

pause

Zach: Well... no. But I went up there with him and he said he was going to bed.

Me: Urghh. Zach!

Zach: I didn't know he'd come back down!

I turn back to the bathroom where Ethan is still lying motionless on the floor.

Me: Ethan... Ethan... Wake up. Wake up honey.

Zayd and I end up having to nudge the door against Ethan a few times to wake him up. When he does wake up, he looks totally confused.

Me: Honey! What were you doing asleep in the bathroom!?

Ethan: Huh?

Me: Why were you in the bathroom?

Ethan: I didn't want to go to bed without Zayd.

I sprouted at least a dozen more gray hairs.

Jimmies

It's late. Paul, Evan, Zayd, Ethan and I are in the car coming home from a long evening at a hotel pool where the boys swam almost nonstop for three hours.

Zayd: Uh. Mom? Don't you want to talk to Evan about something?

Me: I do?

Zayd: Eh hm... yes. You do. Swim trunks?

Me: Oh! I thought you didn't want me to say anything.

Evan: I did not pull down your swim trunks Zayd. It was an accident.

Zayd: Ohhh. Riiiight. It was an accident.

Evan: They didn't even come down very far.

Zayd: Yes they did! They came down all the way!

Evan: Zayd! No way! I was just holding on to you when we were going down the slide and they pulled down just a little.

Zayd: Uhhh... You pulled them down so my Jimmies were showing.

pause

Me: Your WHAT? (I turn to Paul) Did he say jimmies? What are jimmies?

I figured this must be another boy-term that I am totally out of the loop on...

Paul bursts out laughing and so does Evan... Ethan just starts laughing because everyone else is.

Paul: What are you talking about Zayd?

Zayd: My Jimmies. That is what Chase and I call it. (Chase is his friend)

Evan: Okay. So Jimmies must be either butt or testes.

Paul: Well, there's a big difference between those two things.

Me: Why are we calling anything Jimmies?

Zayd: It's testes.

Evan: You call your testicles Jimmies?

Zayd: Yes. It sounds better. So... like... if I get kicked I can say, "Whoa. You kicked me in the Jimmies."

Excitment = poop

I'm on the computer in the kitchen when Ethan comes in from outside doing a combination prance-like duck waddle.

He prances waddles right up to me.

Ethan: Did you know that when I get excited I have to poop?

Me: No. Wow. Interesting.

Ethan: Yeah.

Me: So, you must be excited?

Ethan: No.

pause

Ethan: Well... actually yes.

Me: Ah.

He walks away into the guest bathroom and shuts the door.

A few minutes later, he emerges.
 
Ethan: Uh... mom? The toilet is clogged.

pause

Ethan: I was pretty excited.

Another Game of Life

Tonight Ethan, Zayd and I played the "Game of Life."

They've learned some good lessons from our previous games together. Now when someone lands on "Get Married," Zayd, who is always our banker says, "Do you WANT to get married? If so, do you want to marry a boy or a girl?"

Ethan got upset when Zayd first said he didn't want to get married.

Ethan: You aren't getting married?! That's lame!

Zayd looks at me and laughs

Zayd: Why is that lame?

Ethan:  Because then you are going like be all by yourself in your house.

Zayd: Well.. you don't have to marry someone...

Ethan: Well, I don't want to adopt a wife!

During our game we also get to choose whether or not we have kids - even if we land on a "Baby!" spot. Ethan, however, takes a lot of pride in marrying a girl, and having lots of kids. He usually ends up with a car full.

Ethan: I had the most kids again!

Zayd: You don't want that many kids...

pause

Zayd: Aaaaannnnndddd I'm going to find out why on Friday.

It took me a second to get this. Then I realized that this Friday he is getting "The Talk" at school.

Me: Ohhhh!

Zayd: It took you a while to figure it out didn't it?!

A bit later in the game, Zayd got twin boys...

Zayd: Oh! 

pause

Seeing there were no boy figures to put in the car... Zayd said...

Zayd: Well... it looks like they were born with girl parts.

At the end of the game, we all read our "Life" cards aloud -- the achievements we made. Zayd had done everything from become president to cure cancer...

Zayd: I also found a solution to population!

pause

Zayd:  And it isn't killing everyone.

More brotherly love

Ethan is standing in the kitchen in his comfortable state: shirtless and sockless, sporting a grimy face and fingers... a hint of odor smelling of a combination of maple syrup and pee... and holding his crotch and occasionally touching his nipples

Zach: Wow Ethan. You are such a stud. I mean really? Could you be more attractive?

Ethan smirks shyly... basking in the compliments.

Zach: Look at you! The muscular chest, the pants, the feet. Wow.

Ethan: I know.

Zach: Do the girls just run after you all the time? How do they keep their hands off you? Do you think I can look like you? Will you help me?

Ethan smiles shyly again rubbing both his nipples now.

Zach: There is something about the way you rub your nipples. And your scent... it like attracts the girls - right?

Ethan: I don't know.

I turn around from the sink and look at Ethan. Honestly, there is something cute about him. He's my grimy little 7-year-old with eyes and a smile that will melt your heart. Even with one hand on his crotch and the other on a nipple.

Me: Ethan - you are so cute!

Zach gives me a look that says, "You are an idiot."

Zach: Seriously mom?! Don't encourage this! He is gross. He smells gross, he looks gross. What if I was standing here doing the same thing? You wouldn't think it was so cute would you?

Me: I don't know. You could try it and I'll tell you what I think.