It's pencil... not penis

Ethan had to stay after school yesterday.

According to his third grade teacher, he had a rough day which translates into, "His was being a little shit."

This morning he showed me his "Behavior Correction Sheet."

Ethan: You have to sign it.

Me: Okay - let me read it first.

I read aloud:  I was flinging... peee...nn. Pee..nni... Pee...niisses. I was flinging penises at Christian. What? You were flinging PENISES at him! ETHAN! What are you doing?

Zayd was standing next to me reading and starts laughing.

Zayd: Oh my God Ethan! How do you fling your penis at him!

Not to mention I was unaware Ethan had more than one.

Ethan: NO! No! I didn't do that! I was flinging my PENCILS at him! God!

Me: Well it says PENISES here!

pause

Ethan: Oh.

Me: Holy cow Ethan. You can't spell penis when you want to spell it, and now you are spelling penis for everything else!

Ethan: I'm sorry! I didn't know how to spell pencil!

Me: So we spell PENIS instead?

Zayd: Well, we did teach him how to spell penis yesterday.

pause

Damn, I say to myself. That's right.

Penes

When Zayd got home from school, he sat at the family computer and opened up his gmail. Then, he spun around to face me, and started chuckling.

Zayd: (mumbles and chuckles)

Me: Huh?

Zayd: Are you going to get mad at Ethan?

Me: Why?

Zayd: Come and see what he sent me.

I look over Zayd's shoulder and see an opened message with "(no subject)" from Ethan. In the text box is one word:

"penes"

I stare at the screen for a moment.

Zayd starts chuckling again.

Zayd: Are you going to get mad at him?

Me: Why would he do that?

Zayd: (laughing) I don't know! He didn't even spell it right!

Me: Yeah, but why would he do that?

Zayd: (still laughing) He thinks it is funny!

pause

Zayd: You're mad.

I walk over to the basement door, open it, and yell down the stairs.

Me: Eeeethhhaaan!

Ethan: What!

Me: Come here please.

He appears from the basement.

Ethan: What did I do?

Me: Just come up here for a moment. Zayd, will you show him the message.

Zayd: Ooops. I deleted it.

Me: (sigh)

Zayd: Wait! Wait! Shoot! I didn't want to delete it! Let me see if I can find it!

Me: Never mind. Just tell him about the message you got from him.

Zayd: Ethan? (he gets the giggles again). Why did you send me a message that said penis?

Ethan tries to hide his guilt by acting like he has no idea what we are talking about.

Zayd: You didn't even spell it right!

Ethan: It was just a joke.

Me: What if you had mistakenly sent it to grandma?

He looks at me shocked. Clearly, that hadn't crossed his mind. He starts to walk sheepishly toward the basement steps.

Me: Ethan! And you spelled penis wrong! Do you know how to spell it?

Ethan: (stops and turns around looking embarrassed) Don't tell me how to spell it!

Zayd: It's spelled p-e-n-i-s. Not p-e-n-e-s.

Me: Okay?


He starts heading down the stairs.

pause

I yell after him.

Me: If you are going to send inappropriate messages, at least spell them right!