Tuesday, April 26, 2011

More brotherly love

Ethan is standing in the kitchen in his comfortable state: shirtless and sockless, sporting a grimy face and fingers... a hint of odor smelling of a combination of maple syrup and pee... and holding his crotch and occasionally touching his nipples

Zach: Wow Ethan. You are such a stud. I mean really? Could you be more attractive?

Ethan smirks shyly... basking in the compliments.

Zach: Look at you! The muscular chest, the pants, the feet. Wow.

Ethan: I know.

Zach: Do the girls just run after you all the time? How do they keep their hands off you? Do you think I can look like you? Will you help me?

Ethan smiles shyly again rubbing both his nipples now.

Zach: There is something about the way you rub your nipples. And your scent... it like attracts the girls - right?

Ethan: I don't know.

I turn around from the sink and look at Ethan. Honestly, there is something cute about him. He's my grimy little 7-year-old with eyes and a smile that will melt your heart. Even with one hand on his crotch and the other on a nipple.

Me: Ethan - you are so cute!

Zach gives me a look that says, "You are an idiot."

Zach: Seriously mom?! Don't encourage this! He is gross. He smells gross, he looks gross. What if I was standing here doing the same thing? You wouldn't think it was so cute would you?

Me: I don't know. You could try it and I'll tell you what I think.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Brotherly love

I'm not sure how it started, but our youngest, Ethan, has found it necessary to distinguish between brotherly love, and "love love" as he calls it. Zach, our oldest, enjoys toying with Ethan on this topic. The two of them were with me as I cleaned out my office at work recently. Rather than help, they entertained me with their banter.

Zach: Ethan? Ethan. Ethan, I love you.

Ethan: Like a brother or love love me?

Zach: Both.

Ethan: That's gross.

Zach: But it's true.

Ethan: No. 

Zach: But Ethan. I love love you too. I can't help it.

Ethan: Mom? Zach is using inappropriate language with me.

Zach: Ethan? 

Ethan: What?

Zach: Will you date me?

Ethan: No. I won't date you.

Zach: Why not?

Ethan: Because I have to be 16 to date. Mom says.

Zach: I don't think you need to be 16 to date me.

Ethan: Yes I do.

Zach: Well, what if you were 16? Would you date me then?

Ethan: No.

Zach: Why not?

Ethan: Because you'd be too old for me.

Zach: Okay. What if we were both 16. Would you date me then?


Ethan: Sure. 

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Snippy snippy

I was sitting at the walk-in clinic waiting room with Zayd and Evan on either side. There were lots of babies around... and I was ooo-ing and awww-ing over each and every one of them.

Evan: Do you want another baby?

Me: Oh... It sounds nice, but no, no I don't. Not anymore. I couldn't have one anyways.

Evan: Too old?


Me: No, your dad got the snippy-snippy.

Which, by the way, is what my mom calls it. I think it has a nice ring to it.

Zayd does his little snort-laugh.

Zayd: Too much information.


Evan's eyes grow very wide.

Evan: Uhm. You mean... Do you mean?

He leans in to get closer to my ear.

Evan: Do you mean he got it cut off? (he's pointing to his crotch... subtly, of course)

Me: What?

Zayd: Oh my God Evan! (he starts laughing uncontrollably) Oh my God! You don't know what that means?

Me: Evan. No. He didn't get his penis cut off.

Evan: Oh.... Thank God. I just thought... I don't know.


Evan: Do you mean he got his... his... other parts cut off?

Me: What other parts?

Evan: (He lowers his voice) His nuts?

Me: Holy cow child! No!

Evan: Oh!

Zayd, still laughing from the earlier exchange, now is laughing even harder.

Me: Evan! It is not that traumatic. Goodness! The little tubes that carry sperm from the testicles are snipped. They are just little tubes that are cut. It only takes the doctor about 10 minutes and that's it.

Evan: Ooooohhhhh. Yeah. I knew that. I think I knew that.


Evan: Thank God. (he lets out a huge sigh and sits back in his chair).