Why? Why oh why do I do this to myself? Why do I create undo stress to a life already filled with undo stresses?
I enjoy pain? The feeling of a tension headache that begins at the base of my skull and radiates up the back of my head making it feel as though my hair hurts? The thrill of stress?
(Yes, I believe stress has thrilling properties).
I was nominated and chosen to be commencement speaker.
I was thrilled when I was selected. I was actually thrilled when I was even nominated.
Not a stress thrill... a thrill thrill.
Now, a week before I am to speak... my tension headache has actually started radiating downward...
towards my butt.
Or maybe that's from running. I really can't tell anymore.
In one week I am to offer a well-crafted speech that is what? Inspirational? Memorable? Funny? Short?
It will most certainly be short. I refuse to subject anyone to any speech longer than five minutes. But what do I shoot for? I don't know that I am all that inspirational or memorable. But do I dare venture into the realm of funny?
That could be dangerous. And I don't want to sound trite.
But do I really want to sound "academic?"
Haven't we all been forced to read, write,
and think academically for far too long as it is?
Why did I say yes?
I do know the answer to this question - and no, it is not about thrill seeking.
It was about having my four boys hear me speak.
Not my parents, my husband, my uncle or brother.
Not my advisor or the other graduates, and not the faculty or administrators.
Just my boys.
I hope they'll be proud of me.