Friday, October 1, 2010


We have a new car. A Buick Enclave which is all fancied up with this bluetooth thing where you can just say out loud to some computer that lives in the space of the car, "Dial Home" and then it calls home.

I find this fascinating and fantastic.

The idea that I can talk on the phone AND drive with both hands on the steering wheel is awesome. In addition, that there is some space computer girl that is in the car with me at all times, ready to obey my commands. I'm very social. I like that I have a space computer girl to talk to anytime I feel like it.

There is only one glitch with Space girl. She can't seem to recognize the name "Paul." - which wouldn't be a problem if my husband's name wasn't Paul. I considered giving him a different name like Brett Farve... but then I thought if I said "Brett" and then Paul came on the line... that might become disappointing.

Yesterday, Paul and I spent some couple time in the car, programing Space girl to recognize my most often called peeps.

Paul: Press the button for two seconds and say "Store"

Me: (holding the button)... Store

Space girl: Store. Name please.

Me: Paul

Space girl: I'm sorry. Please repeat.

Me: "P"-aul.

Space girl: Did you say "Najla?" Please say "Yes or no"

wtf - Najla?

Paul starts laughing quietly. I hit him. How is the Space Girl ever going to get this right without complete concentration?

Me: No. (I tell Space girl)

Space girl: Okay. Please try again.

Me: "Puh" -aawwwllll.

Paul blurts out a laugh.

Space girl: Do you need help?


Paul: Cancel.

Me: What the heck?

Paul: I don't know. It doesn't like Paul.


Me: Oh! I have an idea!

I hold the button for two seconds.

Space girl: Dial

Me: Store.

Space girl: Store. Name please.

Me: HuZ-band.

Space girl: "HuZ-band" is that correct? Say "yes or no"

Me: Yes!

Space girl: I'm sorry. Please say "yes or no"

Me: What the hell.

Space girl: Did you say "Home?" Please say "yes or no"

Paul starts laughing again.

I hit him again.

Me: (This time I give a more subdued "no."  Apparently Space Girl does not respond well to enthusiasm).

Space girl: Okay. Let's try again.

Yeah. Let's.

Me: HuZ-Bannnd.

Space girl: Did you say "HuZ-Bannd?" Please say "yes or no."

Me: (unenthusiastically) Yes.

Space girl: Okay. Yes. Number please.

Me: 7-0-1.


Paul: You have to say it all at once.

Me: Shhhh... I got this.

Space girl: I'm sorry. I didn't get that. Number please?

Me: 7-0-1


Space girl: 7-0-1.

Me: 3-7-1

Space girl: 2-0-1-5-7-8-4.

Me: Oh my God! (laughing)

Paul is laughing too.

Space girl: I'm sorry. I couldn't get that.

Paul: Cancel. (pause) Najla. You have to say the whole number at once.

Me: But when I've done the dialy thing with her before she lets me say each part separately and she repeats it to me!

Paul: That's different. When you are programming her, you need to say it all at once.

Me: (sigh). Fine. Good God! We have to do this for everyone I want to call?

Paul: How many do you want to program for God's sake?

Me:  Well! I talk to a lot of people! You don't want me to have to use my cell phone to type in numbers do you? There's Char at work, Amy, Mark, you - both cell and office, my mom, Keith, Laura, the president, probably my sister and brother.... maybe the whole cabinet at work...

Paul: I'm only going to help you with me. You're on your own with the rest.

We start the process again - and finally get Paul's cell phone number in using "husband" and his work phone using "Forum."

Me: Okay... stay with me for this one please. I want to make sure I can do it myself.

I hold the button.

Me: Store.

Space girl: Store. Name please.

Me: Nana

Space girl: I'm sorry that sounds too much like "Najla"

Paul: (Bursts out laughing) SOUNDS too much like Nana? NOW that's funny.

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