Cell phone follies

I don't know how well this incident will translate onto paper... but I'll give it a try because it was seriously hilarious.

So - my mom and dad have a cell phone, which they don't really know how to operate. If you call them, they don't answer but they know how to call out. You can't leave them messages, because they don't know how to get into the message box.

It's mid-afternoon today and I'm writing away... and the phone rings. I can see from the caller id that it is them calling from the cell.

Me: Hello?


nothing

Me: Hello?!

nothing

Dad: HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!

Now - in order to get the full effect of this conversation - I want you to think about yelling into a phone as loud as you possibly can. And then dial it up another 10 notches. That is how loud my dad was yelling into his cell phone. (and he has a middle eastern accent which for many reasons makes this all the more funny).

The even funnier thing was, that he couldn't hear me unless I was yelling just as loud. Thank God there was no one around during this conversation. If I was in a public place, I would have had to hang up on him.

Dad: HELLO?? CHIIINNNOO? CHINO?!

Me: YES DAD! I CAN HEAR YOU!

Dad: CAN YOU HEAR ME?! CHINO?!

Me: (even louder, which I didn't think was possible) YES DAD!!! I CAN HEAR YOU!

Dad: YOU HAVE TO TALK LOUDER. I CAN'T HEAR YOU TOO WELL.

obviously

Me: I CAN HEAR YOU!!!

Dad: OKAY. OKAY. I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME DR. ANDERSON'S NUMBER.


Who the hell is Dr. Anderson? And where the hell is my dad?

Me: WHO IS DR. ANDERSON?

Dad: DR. ANDERSON! I NEED DR. ANDERSON'S PHONE NUMBER. DR. ANDERSON'S PHONE NUMBER!

pause


I take in a deep breath to yell louder.

Me:  WHO. IS. DR. ANDERSON?

Dad. DENTIST. DENTIST.

and why are we saying everything twice?

Me: OH! OKAY. WHERE ARE YOU?

Dad: I AM BETWEEN GRAND FORKS AND FARGO.

OMG -  he's driving down the interstate AND talking like this? Wait. Maybe my mom is holding the phone for him... that might explain the yelling...

DAD: I NEED TO CALL DR. ANDERSON TO TELL HIM I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT TO MY APPOINTMENT!

Me: DAD. I'LL CALL HIM FOR YOU.

Good God. All I need is for Dr. Anderson's receptionist to get a call like this one from my dad. 

Dad: I NEED DR. ANDERSON'S PHONE NUMBER SO I CAN TELL HIM I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT TO MY APPOINTMENT.


holy.

Me: DAAAADDD. IIIII WIIILLLL CAAALLLL HIIIIMMM FOOORRRR YOOUUUUU!

pause

Dad: OH! OKAY!

pause

Dad: OH! NO! I'LL CALL HIM. I NEED TO SET UP ANOTHER APPOINTMENT. THEY'LL ASK WHEN I CAN COME IN AGAIN.

Seriously?

Me: DAD! YOU CAN SET UP AN APPOINTMENT WHEN YOU GET HOME. JUST CALL HIM WHEN YOU GET HOME.

pause


I can hear the engineer brain clicking. I've obviously missed a step in logic.

Dad: BUT THE OFFICE CLOSES AT 4:30! I WON'T MAKE IT IN TIME! HOW CAN I CALL HIM WHEN I GET BACK?

pause


omg. I have no idea what is going on now. 

Me: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CALL HIM TODAY? I'LL TELL HIM YOU CAN CALL HIM TOMORROW TO RESCHEDULE.

Dad: WHEN? HOW CAN I CALL HIM?

Me: DAD YOU CAN CALL HIM TOOOMOOORRRROOOWWWWW!

pause


pause


This is clearly FAR too complicated of a discussion to do at decibels 10 times the normal levels. 

Dad: OH. OKAY. FINE. YOU CALL HIM. OKAY?

Me: YES. I'LL CALL HIM.

We hang up. About 10 minutes later I call Dr. Anderson's office.

Receptionist: Oh! you are so nice to call! But your dad just called and asked if you had called yet.


wtf.