Attacked

I get attacked by my boys as soon as I walk in the door from work each weekday.

Their dad does not get attacked. Why is this?

Today, I walk into the house, wearing my nice suit, and heels and before I can even put down my bags Ethan has his arms wrapped around my legs so I can't move, Zayd has his arms wrapped around my body, just above Ethan's head, and Evan has his arms wrapped around all of us.

Zach is at the kitchen counter with a friend. Oh and Zayd? He has flannel pajamas on - ones that are even too small for Ethan. Mismatched top and bottom. It's like 90 outside. Help me.

Everyone is talking at once:

Zach: Mom are you going to take Alex and me to Target now?

Evan: Mom I ate a lot of junk today - I'm feeling kinda sick

Zayd: Mooooooooommmmmm!!!! My birthday is tomorrowwwww!

Ethan: Mooommm! Hug me! Hug me! Hug me! HUUUGGGG MMEEEEEE! (he is holding me and bouncing up and down)

And this is just what I could make out. They kept talking but all I could focus on was keeping my balance and not stepping on any bare feet with my heels.

Me: Okay. Okay. OKAY! SERIOUSLY! Can I just put down my bags? Please?

Ethan: Moommmmm! Moooommmmmyyyyy! MOOOOOOOOOOMmmm!!! HUuuugggg meee! Hugggggggyyyy. Pick me up so I can hug you! Pick me up! PICK ME UP! PICK ME UP!

O. M. G.

I pick him up and put him on the kitchen counter. He's got his arms locked around me so I'm not going anywhere.

Everyone starts talking again:

Zayd: Did you buy my presents yet? Are we still going to do the treasure hunt?

Evan: Mommm. I'm serious. I really ate so much. I had a pop and two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and...

Ethan: HUUUUGGGGG MEEEEE!

Zach: So how much are you going to give us to do this party? Are we going to go when dad gets home or can we go now?

My cell phone rings. Thank God. I'm saved.

Me: Okay! OKAY everyone. STOP! I need to answer my cell - it's work. You need to be quiet. Please.

I answer the phone. Ethan is still hanging onto me, Evan is now hugging me from the side and Zayd is dancing around in his flannels. Zach and his friend stare at me.

When I need to focus, I can. I do. I did - to the point that I didn't realize what Ethan was doing until I was saying goodbye.

Ethan keeps pulling my shirt towards him and looking down it. Over and over and over again. By the time I notice what's going on... all the boys are laughing because it is so ridiculous!

Me: ETHAN! Knock it off!

(omg. Right now, as I am writing this... Ethan has confiscated my Kenneth Cole high heels and is stomping around the kitchen in them. - save me)

Zach has to grab him around the waist and pull him off of me to get him to stop. I use this opportunity to run away.

Me: I'm going to my room to change.

I escape. I am in my room. I am safe for the moment.

And the kids wonder why I always run to my room and lock the door. This is just not a safe place for a woman.