When my oldest son Zachary was in kindergarten, he got in trouble the first week of school - the kind of trouble the principal calls you about. Now mind you, this is my oldest son, and he is in his first year of public education in our hometown. I am of course, expecting perfection from him.
I got the call at work.
Principal: Mrs. Amundson?
Principal: This is Mrs. Griffin at the Kindergarten Center.
Me: Yes! How are you?
Principal: Well, not so well right now. We had an incident with Zach this morning on the school bus that you need to know about.
Me: Oh! Ok... What happened?
Principal: Well... how should I put this? Zachary... well... Zachary mooned the kindergarten bus.
Me: Excuse me?
Principal: He MOONED the kindergarten bus. He pulled down his pants and exposed his buttocks on the kindergarten bus this morning.
Principal: I've had to call all the parents of the children riding the bus to alert them to the incident.
My brain is still at "He mooned the kindergarten bus..." But it is obvious at this point I am going to need to keep up with this.
Me: I'm sorry? What did you do?
Prinicipal: Mrs. Amundson, the girls on the bus were mortified by the incident. It was important that I call all their parents so that they were aware of what happened. It's obvious these girls need to talk about this when they get home.
Oh. My. God. She. Called. ALL the parents. ALL OF THEM.
Principal: Yes, they are quite upset. This is absolutely inappropriate behavior and will not be tolerated. Zachary has been expelled from the school bus for one week. He will not be permitted to ride the bus.
Me: He has been expelled from riding the school bus.
Principal: Yes. The parents are quite upset about this too. I think this is the absolute minimum that I should be doing.
Now my brain has caught up.
Me: Uhm... Mrs. Griffin. I appreciate the fact that what Zachary did wasn't appropriate, but he is just a 5-year-old boy.
Principal: He is old enough to know better. I have already spoken to Zachary about this and he is aware he will not be on the bus next week. He is also aware of the gravity of the situation.
Me: Of course.
Principal: Thank you Mrs. Amundson. Goodbye.
I sat for a moment, stunned.
First I thought - What in the world possessed Zachary to pull down his pants in front of everyone on the kindergarten bus. Second I thought - Oh my God. Every freakin' parent at the Kindergarten Center now knows about this.
And finally I thought...
What the hell!? No one... and I mean NO ONE... would be "mortified" by my son's butt. He has a super cute butt. That's just a bunch of bull crap.