Pickles

Last night, I got home after being in Baltimore for four days.

My husband picked me up at the airport and told me,"We all missed you. Too much testosterone in one house... we needed our woman."

Oh God. 

Before we even pulled into the garage, the door was open and boys were on stand-by waiting for me to hop out of the car. I was attacked by three - I had to go and hug the oldest. We were all standing around the island in the kitchen and I said..

Me: So, what did I miss guys?!

Paul: Oh. I have to show you this.

Paul opens the fridge door and pulls out a big jar with one large but lonely pickle floating in brine.

Paul: This was full of pickles at noon. These weren't mini dills either... these were big pickles! I can't believe they are all gone! No one will admit to who ate them all.

Zach: I had one pickle.

Zayd: No you didn't.

Zach: I had one pickle.

Zayd: No you didn't.

Me: It's ok if you had more than one...

Zach: I had one pickle.

Zayd: Well I only had one pickle too! I didn't eat them all!

Evan: I didn't have any pickles.

So that leaves... the one and only... 

Me: Well... Ethan DOES like pickles.

He also likes ranch dressing. Not anything with his ranch dressing... just the ranch dressing. 

Paul: Yeah, I thought of that (pause). But that means he ate almost an entire jar of pickles by himself this afternoon.

We all look at Ethan at the far end of the island. He is crouched down low enough so his eyes just clear the counter. 

Ethan: I didn't have any pickles. 

We all continue staring at Ethan.

Ethan: Weewy! I didn't have any pickles!

Me: Ethan, it's ok if you ate the pickles. We just want to know.

(pause)

Ethan: Welllll....maybe I ate the pickles.

Paul: How many pickles did you eat?

(pause)

Ethan: Welll... (a smirk comes over his face). Maybe... 10 pickles?

Good God. Who eats 10 full-sized kosher dills in an afternoon? Should I call poison control? All that brine can't be good for one 5-year-old.

And come to think of it...

Who ate all the ice cream?