He's been feeling down lately, so I suggested the two of us go out and do something together. He was very excited. I told him to choose whatever he wanted to do. He decided on going out to eat at Perkins and stopping by Scheels All-Sport.
We had a lovely dinner - he talked and talked and talked... I listened. Then we headed for Scheels. He wandered around for a while by himself, then came to find me. I wanted to try on a couple of t-shirts, so he came in the dressing room with me.
In the dressing room, there was that little sign that reminds women not to remove their undergarments while trying on swimwear...
Evan: So... why do they need that sign?
Me: Well... some women try on swimsuits without their underwear on... and that is just... you know... kinda gross.
Evan: (totally matter-of-factly) Crabs.
Did he just say crabs?
pause
Me: Did you just say crabs?
Evan: (serious) Yeah - crabs.
pause
I haven't heard the words crabs since I was a freshman in college. The rumor was that some girl living on the third floor of Brown Hall had crabs and no one was using the bathroom there anymore.
Evan now sees that I am off in another world... My brain simply cannot put together my college memory and my 11-year-old son in the same space.
Evan: Mom. You know what crabs are? Don't you?
I am too stunned to reply. This isn't my smart-mouthed, knows-too-much-for-his-own-good 14-year-old... this is my precious little Evan. Eleven-year-old Evan.
Evan: Mom. Crabs are like lice... except not on your head hair.
pause
Evan: On the OTHER hair. (His one eyebrow goes up and he slowly nods his head -- like he wants me to nod along)
pause
Me: Uhmmmm... how do you know about crabs?
pause
Evan: You're kidding, right mom?
Me: Weeeelllll...
Evan: Oh my God mom! Hellloooooo. Family living classssss.... Remember? In fifth grade, we get family living class. I know about everything mom. You don't have to worry about me.
I don't recall learning about crabs in 5th grade family living...did we??
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