After weeks of begging me to take him shopping for school supplies, I took him after work today. We were in the car (14-year-old Zachary was with us - I was taking him to a sleepover)... when Zayd asked:
Zayd: Mom. This time can you make sure to buy me some high-quality scissors?
Zach does a double take and looks at me like - how DARE you not buy high-quality scissors? He mocks Zayd:
Zach: Yes mother. Pleeezze! Can you at least purchase some high-quality scissors this time.
Then in a normal Zach voice he says:
Zach: What the?
Me: Zayd, I didn't realize we had not purchased high-quality scissors for you.
We pulled up to Zach's friends house and dropped him off. I turned on the radio.
Zayd: Mom. Can you please turn that off?
Me: Why? I like listening to the radio when I'm driving.
Zayd: Don't you like listening to me?
Touche. I turned it off.
Me: Yes, of course I like listening to you. What would you like to talk about.
Zayd: High-quality scissors.
Zayd: Can we PLEASE buy high-quality scissors for school for me this time.
Me: I told you Zayd, I didn't realize the last ones we bought were NOT high quality.
Zayd: They weren't.
Me: Oookkaayyyy. Can you tell me why?
And now begins Zayd talk - which is deliberate, includes lots of pauses and sighs, and takes a very, very, long time. He chooses his words carefully.
Zayd: Well (sigh). Well. Last year (sigh) in third grade (pause) I was cutting my Valentine's Day box...(pause).... (pause)... (pause)...
Zayd: And the scissors broke apart. They BROKE right APART! Right there! BROKE!
Me: Okay. Wow. That's too bad. Maybe it was because you were cutting cardboard.
Zayd: No. They should NOT have broken. High quality scissors would not have broken apart like that. (sigh). So (pause & sigh) I didn't have any scissors for the rest of the year. (sigh)
Me: Okkaaayyyy. Zayd. If your scissors broke around Valentines, why didn't you just tell me and I could have bought you a new pair of scissors?
Zayd: Well. (sigh)... uhm... (pause). Hummm. Well. (pause & sigh) I forgot.
He shrugs his shoulders. I know this because we were at a stop light so I turned to watch his response.
Me: Wow. That's too bad. How did you make it through the rest of the year without scissors?
Zayd: It was VERY HARD.
Me: I guess so.
He smiles, and does his little snort laugh.
About 10 seconds after this conversation, we passed a gas station called Loaf n' Jug.
Zayd: Loaf n' Jug. (pause) LOAF n' JUG. (pause). Think about that mom. Think about that.
Me: Okay. What?
Zayd: LOAF n' JUG. (pause) Think about that name Mom. Loaf n' Jug.
Me: I'm thinking... what?
Zayd: Keep thinking
Now, Zayd is obviously a thinker. He likes to think a lot and he takes his time thinking. I do not have that kind of patience. So I try really hard not to lose my mind when he does this to me. He won't tell me what his point is -- but he expects me to take all the time in the world to figure out what his point is. And even if I did spend all the time in the world, I would never be able to figure it out.
Me: I don't know Zayd. WHAT.
Zayd: Loaf n' Jug. (pause) I hate that name. (pause) That is such a stupid name. It really bothers me.
Me: Why does it bother you?
Zayd: Because. Think about it! (pause) LOAF. N'. JUG!
Me: I'm sorry, Zayd. I don't get it.
Zayd: (sigh). I would never shop there.
Me: Okay then.
Zayd then snorts and laughs.