Sunday, August 9, 2009

Trip to the Cities

We took a long weekend and went to the Cities - Valley Fair and Mall of America.

On Sunday, we went to the Cheesecake Factory for brunch. While we were waiting to be seated:

Ethan: Why are we coming to a Chinese place?

Me: This isn't a Chinese place.

Ethan: Yes. Yes it is a Chinese place.

Me: No, Ethan. This is called the Cheesecake Factory. It is not a Chinese place.

Ethan: Yes. It is a Chinese place. It looks like a Chinese place.


Me: Okay. Fine. It's a Chinese place.

A little later on while we are waiting for our food, Paul takes a trip to the bathroom. When he returns and sits down:

Paul: We have to teach Ethan not to drop trou...

Zach: Well THAT is kinda random. Ethan wasn't even with you in the bathroom.

Me: What are you talking about?

Paul: When he goes to the urinal, he just drops his pants to his ankles.

Me: Oookaaay? But he doesn't have a little fly thingy on a lot of his pants.

Paul: It doesn't matter. He shouldn't drop trou to pee. He can pull it out just a bit and pee.


Me: Do YOU drop trou at the urinal?

Paul: NO!

Me: Well, then where did he learn it?

Paul: I don't know. I suppose it is just easier and faster for him.

Me: Whose job is it to teach him these things? I think this one falls under the "Dad" category.

Zach: What made you think of it now?

Paul: I just thought of it. When we were at Valley Fair, he just went to the wall of urinals and dropped his pants.

Me: Is that bad?

Paul: Noooo.. but, he probably shouldn't do that anymore. He wasn't bothered by it at all. He could care less.

Ethan must have heard the word bathroom because...

Ethan: I have to go to the bathroom!

Paul: Okay I'll take you.

Me: Are you going to teach him how to do it the right way?

Paul: Yes.

They come back

Me: So? How did it go?

Paul: It went okay. He wanted to drop his trousers again... but I told him he didn't have to do that.

Me: So did he do it right?

Paul: Yeeeaaahhhh.... kinda. We'll have to work up to it.

As we got in the car one last time to head home:

Ethan: We're going home boys... we're going home.


During the car ride home, there was a awful smell.

Me: Do you smell that?

Paul: Yeah.

Me: What IS that?

Paul: No clue.


Me: Zach! Did you take your shoes off?

Zach: Yes. But they've been off for ten minutes.

Me: Hummm...

I see Evan's bare feet pressed against the window by Ethan's head. He's sitting behind Ethan in the back of the van.

Me: Evan! Get your shoes back on -- and off the window!

A few minutes later

Me: I still smell it.

Paul: Me too.

Me: It smells SO gross.

Paul: I know.

I turn around again.

Me: Zach: Is that your feet I smell?

Zach: I don't think so. I know they usually smell. But I just smelled them and they don't smell like the smell we are all smelling. I mean, they smell... but not like that smell.

I pick up his brand new tennis shoes I bought him in the Cities and smell them. They don't smell yet. Thank goodness.

Me: Ethan. Give me your foot. (I smell it). Hummm... no. Not Ethan.

Zach: Here! Smell mine! (He is sitting behind me and puts his bare foot up to by face)

Me: Oh my God! Get your foot away from me!

Zach: Smell it! Smell it!

Me: Zach! I'm not kidding. That's totally gross. Get it away from me!

I turn around. I feel a foot on my hair.

Me: ZACH! Paullll!!!

Zach: Oh my God! My foot is stuck!

Me: Knock it off! Get your foot away from my head!

Paul: Zach.

Zach: I'm not kidding - it's stuck!

He had put his foot through the opening of the headrest. It was stuck.

Me: Point your toes and pull it out.

A few minutes later I smell something new. I think, "God. Is that me?" I start smelling myself - I sniff my shirt, my pits. Huh. No, not me.

Me: Paul. What is THAT smell now?

Zach: Uhmm... mom? I think we'd better roll down the windows.

Me: What did you do?

Zach: I released gas.

Then the gases move towards the back.

Everyone: Ohhhh!!!!!! Ewwwww!!!!

Paul and I roll down the front windows. Next thing I know, Zach's foot is on my shoulder.

Me: Zachary Alan Amundson! That is enough!

Zach: WHAT?! I'm airing out my feet too!

Paul: Maybe we need a convertible.

About five minutes later


Zach: How do you know I farted?!

Me: Because I can smell it!

The windows go down again.

This happened at least two more times and then.... apparently he did it another time.

Zach: That one passed under your radar.


In the car, we listened to the iPod through the car radio. We got to AC/DC's Thunderstruck:

Paul: Change it.

Me: Why?

Zach: He doesn't like it because they say thunder too many times at the beginning.

Paul: Yeah - it takes to long to get to the song.

We get to Stevie Wonder's Superstitious:

Zach: Can we please change it?

Me: Why?

Paul: Bad memories


Me: Really?


Paul: Yeah - bad breakup for him.

Billy Joel's She's Got a Way comes on...

Zach: Can we listen to something more upbeat please?

Me: Okay.

I go to the next song, The Stroke, also Billy Joel - which happens to be about phone sex.

Me: This is upbeat...


Me: Not terribly appropriate... but still, upbeat.

Then, Heart of Glass by Blondie. I hear Zach humming along... After about a minute he leans forward:

Zach: Does anyone know what she's saying?

As I was typing my entires tonight, Evan walks in to chat with me. Then... I smell THE smell again. The smell we couldn't find in the car.

Me: Evan? Is that you I smell.

Evan: Shy smirk... Yeah.

Me: What is that?

Evan: My feet.

Me: Oh...(sigh) Please go and do something about that. Please.

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