Stuff on stuff

My kids are always surprising me with... stuff. Stuff on them, stuff on stuff... just stuff.

Ethan ran into my bedroom, in just his underwear, to tell me he was ready to be put to bed.

Me: What is that on your face?


I can't quite figure it out... is it soap, or vaseline, or lotion?

Ethan: Oh this?!

Ethan then proceeds to quickly rip off a long piece of Scotch tape that is clearly (by the way it sounded at least) secured to his upper lip.

Ethan: Oh my God!

I wish you could've seen the look on Ethan's face when he ripped it off.

Me: Holy cow child! What did you do that for!

Ethan has this look of complete surprise with a dash of fear... kinda like, "Whoa, did I take off my lip too?"

He looks at the piece of tape. I think because he wanted to make sure he didn't take his lip too...

Me: Don't do that honey! That sounded like it hurt!

Ethan: Heh.

pause

Ethan: Yeah.

He bounds out.

He returns about a minute later - with new underwear on no less... not even going to try to figure out what that is all about....

And he stands close to the full length mirror looking at his face.

Ethan: I don't have the tape on anymore.

Me: I see that.

Ethan: I used to have a beard here.

He is pointing to his upper lip, still examining it.

Ethan: But now it's gone. My beard it all gone.

Me: Okay - let's just go to bed.

I follow him into his bedroom where Zayd is already in bed. I turn out the lights and sit on Zayd's bed first.

Zayd: Mom? My wart really hurts. It really really hurts.

Now, let me just say that I'm not exactly sure that what he has is a wart. We've tried that wart-freeze stuff a couple times - nothing. Now it just looks like a big callous. Anyways...

Me: Okay, let me look at it again.

I get up to turn on the light and he comes out from underneath the covers.

He is sleeping in his underwear too... and he has a bandaid smack dab in the middle of his chest.

Me: Zayd? Why do you have a band aid on the middle of your chest?

Zayd: (gives me a snort laugh) Oh. I hurt myself.

Oooookaayyyyy.

After examining the said "wart" with Ethan hovering right over both of us, we consider our options.

Zayd: Can we just go to the doctor?

Me: I can see if the walk-in is open tomorrow.

Zayd: Is there a root?

Me: Hmmm... I suppose there could be... I'm not an expert on warts.

Zayd: Oh my God. I have a root growing in my foot.

Ethan: Oh my God. Can we please stop talking about this - I feel sick.

Zayd: What will the doctor do?

Me: I'm not sure what she'll do. But we'll talk about it, okay?

Ethan: I think we should saw it off.

Zayd: Saw off my toe? That would hurt.

Ethan: Yeah, that would hurt. Let's just saw off the wart.

I move to sit on Ethan's bed and there is a large beach-ball sized bump in the middle of his bed.

Me: What is this?

Ethan: It's the sheep that Nana gave to Anya. Anya left it here.

Me: Why is it in the middle of your bed?

Ethan: I need to keep it worm. (And yes, he says worm, not warm).

(sigh)

So I sit with Ethan and the large stuffed sheep and rub his hair as he continues to gabber.

Ethan: Oh! I wanna tell you about my dreams!

This has become a new addition  to our bedtime ritual. Ethan likes to share his recent dreams with Zayd and I -- much to Zayd's dismay.

Ethan: So here is my most best dream - the most happy dream I ever had.

This should be interesting.

Ethan: I was milking a cow...

Oh no...

Ethan: ...and I filled it up in a cup and I drank the milk.

Me: Wow. That's sounds nice.

Ethan: Yeah.

Zayd: That's weird.

Yeah... and a little weird....

Me: Okay guys - it is really late and you need to go to bed.

pause

Me: ...and let's think about something besides warts and saws... let's think about cows and chocolate and candy and stuff like that...

I give both of them one last kiss and begin to walk out the door, when something right at my eye level by the doorway stops me.

Me: Uhhhhh... what is this?

Zayd: What?

I am still examining it. At first glance, it looks like someone has created a lovely design using black and red markers...

Me: Uhh... this...

Zayd: Oh! Those are Bendables!

Me: Okay.

I reach out and touch it - it feels like wax. I soon discover these are not lines drawn with marker, they are long sticks of colored wax that have been bended into the shape of a spider and a geometric design... and are stuck to the bedroom wall.

Me: (sigh) Okay.

I'm too tired to deal with this right now.

As I walk out...

Zayd: Don't worry mom! They are non-toxic and won't stain the wall!